The Advice from My Parent That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider inability to open up among men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - going on a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."